Six years ago I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, chronic painful bladder, with lesions.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣Six years ago I was at my absolute sickest.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣I could barely walk.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
My parents had to help me in & out of bed.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
My mom had to help me get on & off the toilet. She had to help me get in & out of the bathtub. She had to sit with me on floor when I had either fallen down from exhaustion or had passed out due to the severity of pain I was in. She held me and told me “you’re going to be ok”.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
My dad went into a state of depression.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
After the loss of my older sister he couldn’t handle me being so sick.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
I don’t blame him.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
He had been so incredibly strong for so long. The rock of the family. But this, this was too much.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
My family & friends were terrified.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
Admittedly there were times I just wanted it all to end so the pain would stop.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
I was in severe pain 24/7.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
I would scream out.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
I struggled with eating.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
I was losing weight fast.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
I lost 40 pounds in total.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
This picture shows me with 20 pounds gained.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
Can you imagine me 20 pounds smaller than what I already am?⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
It took me years to retrain my body to take in more food. My body became used to so little food that when I did start eating more my body would reject it. It was a slow process. I still don’t eat as much as what’s considered “normal”. But I’ve been able to maintain my current weight. Maintaining it without having to check my calories on a daily basis – which was fucking with my head.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
Cannabis – combination of THC & CBD is what helped me to be able to eat.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣I don’t like talking about my weight unless it’s with my medical team, family, or close friends. People judge. I’ve been told “you’re too skinny”, “you need a hamburger” I’ve also had the opposite response of “I wish I had a disease that made me lose weight”, “not being able to gain weight – I would take that problem”. The things people say.⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣
⁣⁣⁣⁣But for the first time in a very long time I feel so fucking confident & in love with my body #interstitialcystitisawareness 💚

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