Six years ago I was diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, chronic painful bladder, with lesions.
Six years ago I was at my absolute sickest.
I could barely walk.
My parents had to help me in & out of bed.
My mom had to help me get on & off the toilet. She had to help me get in & out of the bathtub. She had to sit with me on floor when I had either fallen down from exhaustion or had passed out due to the severity of pain I was in. She held me and told me “you’re going to be ok”.
My dad went into a state of depression.
After the loss of my older sister he couldn’t handle me being so sick.
I don’t blame him.
He had been so incredibly strong for so long. The rock of the family. But this, this was too much.
My family & friends were terrified.
Admittedly there were times I just wanted it all to end so the pain would stop.
I was in severe pain 24/7.
I would scream out.
I struggled with eating.
I was losing weight fast.
I lost 40 pounds in total.
This picture shows me with 20 pounds gained.
Can you imagine me 20 pounds smaller than what I already am?
It took me years to retrain my body to take in more food. My body became used to so little food that when I did start eating more my body would reject it. It was a slow process. I still don’t eat as much as what’s considered “normal”. But I’ve been able to maintain my current weight. Maintaining it without having to check my calories on a daily basis – which was fucking with my head.
Cannabis – combination of THC & CBD is what helped me to be able to eat.
I don’t like talking about my weight unless it’s with my medical team, family, or close friends. People judge. I’ve been told “you’re too skinny”, “you need a hamburger” I’ve also had the opposite response of “I wish I had a disease that made me lose weight”, “not being able to gain weight – I would take that problem”. The things people say.
But for the first time in a very long time I feel so fucking confident & in love with my body #interstitialcystitisawareness 💚