Thank you to all those who messaged me about my PTSD & helping me to feel strong enough not to minimize my traumas. Thank you for helping & letting me feel. On Saturday I started out having a really good day but then this wave of fatigue & a cloud over my head feeling came about. It was one of those moments I could feel I just wanted to be left alone for I was about to face some anger & sadness. During these times I really need to text friends & family letting them know that’s what’s going on & then turn my phone to airplane mode until I get past it. But my mind isn’t that sensible when it reaches that place. The trigger hit when my mom sent me a picture of her friends son who is 19 & has Wilson’s Disease. He had tubes all over his body. She didn’t know I was struggling or that sharing this picture would upset me so terribly & cause an anxiety attack. I just being hit with pure raw emotion responded rather terribly & lashed out at my mom. We share stories of health warriors all the time through Instagram so neither of us knew how a text share would be so different. Instagram since I’m a health advocate & speak to so many health warriors my mind switches to an “I’m ready” place. Where text I think it’s more of my safe place & her unknowing this mindset sent me something that crashed my safe place. She didn’t know. I didn’t know. I knew certain texts would cause small triggers but I just through them to the side but this I could not throw to the side. When I saw the picture I went back to me in the doctors office with tubes being placed up my urethra (tube to the bladder) I could feel the raw pain & fear. I could feel & see everything as if it was a movie playing in front of my eyes. I could see me crying on the ground as my urine & the medicine placed in by the tube come out of me without any control – making a mess on myself & the floor. My mom & nurse making a diaper out of paper towels because I couldn’t control my bladder & fluid just kept spilling out of me. I remembered how fucking sick I was. How this disease is still there. How fucking scared I am of it. And how there is so much healing from this trauma that still needs to be done 💚 #onebreathatatime

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