I personally don’t like using the phrase post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) describing my reliving of traumas. I know I fall under it since when something triggers my past traumas with my health or the death of my older sister my reaction heightens. I experience terrible anxiety to the point I feel like I’m suffocating & my mood switches like a snap of my fingers. I just wish there were a separation of disorders for people like me, who have experienced great trauma but not to the extent that I believe a soldier in war or a rape victim has. So due to that I hesitate saying “my personal struggle with PTSD” since I feel there should be another name for what I’m experiencing. My triggers are getting better with self awareness while new triggers can pop up out of no where which can be rather frightening. Known triggers for my sister; semi trucks, stop signs at night, funerals, cemeteries, Mario Party 3, her room, burger with ketchup on it, car accidents, mom or dad crying, & my biggest trigger falling asleep. I’ve gotten better with the last one but some nights are still harder than others. It’s the trauma of going to sleep with everything okay & then waking up to the most horrendous news. My health battle triggers; sitting on the paper on the medical exam table, being examined, sitting & waiting in the office, when too many medicine / supplement bottles are out together, the room & bathroom from where I was my sickest. Biggest triggers are weight loss, flares, & not being able work full time. At my sickest I lost 40 pounds & – this is really hard for me to say, it’s still to raw to fathom but here it is- dying. The flares bring up all the fear & memories from being at my sickest. Not supporting myself at almost 30 years old & being supported by my parents is very painful. The periods & boob pain are also triggers. Sitting on the paper used to be HUGE until I started seeing my acupuncturist who uses disposable paper on the beds for patients. Even writing this I’m having to take a lot of deep breaths. Yesterday I experienced a trigger that was new & unknown. I’m slowly going through the trigger & to be better aware from it 💚

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