HEALTH JOURNEY LIFE WITH ME

Being in love with yourself can be one of the most challenging journeys

Being in love with yourself can be one of the most challenging journeys. I have never been more in love with myself or with my body then I do now but I will admit I still have moments that I judge myself. As many of you know from previous posts I come from a dancer’s background. I hated my body after going through puberty. In my past I have over exercised, been obsessed with calories & my weight, & there were times I would not give my body enough food. This mindset began to shift after losing so much weight when I got sick becoming bone thin. It took me 3 years to gain 20 pounds back & get up to the weight I am now. It took another 3 years for me to be able to maintain my weight without logging what I was eating. I used to check my weight on the scale every day obsessively, now I just check it a couple times a month just to make sure I’m maintaining without having to log my food. The past couple of months I have been absolutely in love with myself like I have never been since puberty. However a couple days ago I had a relapse of thought. I don’t know what was happening that day. It could have been an anxiety build or hormones but I had a meltdown about my body not being “good enough”. I felt so unattractive. I was ready in that moment to overexercise & eat less that day. But then I looked at myself in the mirror & said out loud “ok I’m not sure what is going on with me today but these thoughts are fucked up” it didn’t stop this rush of anxiety over my body but it did do the work of grounding me. I didn’t overexercise or refrain myself from eating like my anxious mind was telling me to do. Instead I fought the thoughts. The next day I woke up looking at myself thinking “what the fuck happened yesterday … I love how I look”. I think that conditioning from being a dancer & the huge pressures of society with this unattainable chase for “perfection” will always show its ugly face but I’m learning not to listen to the words that come out of its mouth. The incredible feeling of loving myself is stronger. Like I said to myself in the mirror, those thoughts are “fucked up” & I’m no longer a slave to them. #lovemyself #lovemybody ⁣
📸 @nolan.weisser

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