Taylor Munholland – Welcome to my blog ࿐

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About Me

Taylor Munholland, aka "Tay", is a well known Social Media Creator and Influencer known for her Authenticity. Tay is an Artist ༊ Wanderer ᨏ Yogi ༗ Storyteller. Tay shares her Journey as a Chronic Illness Warrior & Advocate ࿐ Her Mission is for others to discover & cultivate: Self Love ༄ To Live Empowered ༃ To Be Your Beautiful Authentic Self

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I love rainy summer days 🌿🥾🌧

I love rainy summer days 🌿🥾🌧

My happy place🌻🌿☀️ #sunflowerfieldsforev

My happy place🌻🌿☀️ #sunflowerfieldsforever

Thursday I had a checkup with my lead doctor, who

Thursday I had a checkup with my lead doctor, who I’m always incredibly thankful for. The ozone therapy has honestly been kicking my ass with the release of toxins & inflammation. It’s truly been an explosion of ick out of my body; I’ve had three periods this month along with what looks like yeast, painful bowel movements with rectal bleeding & mucus, nausea, headaches, sensitivity to light, fever, chills, all over body pain especially in my bones & nerves, fatigue, gum inflammation, pain, & bleeding when flossing & brushing my teeth along with waking up with a nice amount of white coating on my tongue that when cleaned off when my tongue scraper begins to bleed. I’ve underwent detoxes before, the ridding of candida in my blood was always rated the highest on the sick scale but this takes the cake. But I’m remaining hopeful. I wasn’t expecting an overnight success. I also understand how my autoimmune body reacts & when I don’t understand something my doctor is very good at explaining information to me. The severity of my autoimmune diseases still rather shocks me… When my doctor was speaking to me about my case there’s always a bit of validation of “ok this is why I’m struggling & I need to stop being so hard on myself” along with the “challenge accepted” mindset of I’m going to kick these diseases in the ass - either where I can manage them instead of them managing me or even better reaching remission, which is my ultimate goal. I have another checkup in 10 days. I’m in a resting period / waiting period; no more treatments at this time. My weight is thankfully back up in triple digits which I’m working my best to keep there.

I’m very thankful for the good days, they always come as true blessing. Nothing feels more exhilarating then feeling well & whole after feeling so sick & broken. On the good days my attention is focused with planning my move & working on my fixer upper house - which even though it’s a hell of a lot of work I’m up for the challenge & have a great vision in mind on what it’s going to be by the end. I also a have a list forming of everything I’m going to do & try once I’m feeling better; skydiving training is the first on my list 🤟🛩🪂

༯ making invisible illnesses visible @awarecause

༯ making invisible illnesses visible @awarecauses ༯

You would never know by looking at me that I’ve undergone 14 surgeries for endometriosis, ovarian cyst complications from ruptures & twisting my ovarian tubes limiting blood flow, appendicitis, stuck kidney stones in my urethra unable to pass, gallbladder removal, treating my interstitial cystitis (IC) aka chronic painful bladder syndrome in which I must receive surgery every 6 months for the unforeseeable future.

You would never know by looking at me that I’ve undergone multiple treatments & therapies. Exosome stem cell therapy — injected up through my vagina & into both my uterus & bladder. Laser treatments for my vaginal tissue & to help with my IC symptoms of urgency & pain. Ozone Therapy with UV Irradiation of my blood. Pelvic floor physical therapy for my chronic pelvic pain, IC due to the severe contractions equivalent to labor pains & a prolapse. Bladder installations. Placed in a chemically induced state of menopause for fives years to not have periods to treat & prevent the endometriosis & chronic pelvic pain flared by my horrid periods - which left me with no sex drive where during this time I questioned my sexuality, felt a deep loss of Self, & disconnected from everyone my age. Acupuncture / Chinese medicine. Ayurveda. Massage therapy. Diet changes & restrictions. Placed on cancer medication in attempt to treat the severity of pain & nausea. Narcotics. Great multitude of various medications & herbs.

You never would know by looking at me that I’ve been unable to support myself. That I need help financially from my parents & grandfather. Have had the fortune to have doctors who work with my budget & have provided me with help even when I’ve been unable to afford it. I would be on disability if it were not for receiving this help.

You would never know by looking at me I suffer from PTSD. Breaking me down into fits of screaming, crying, & begging for it to all stop.

You would never know by looking at me how much I’m fighting.

You would know by looking at me… ༯

Never judge a book by its cover, we are all going through something. xxx.

Thank you @awarecauses for bringing awareness 🤍

Note to Self: I am no longer available for things

Note to Self: I am no longer available for things or people that make me feel like shit. xxx.🌞🙌🪐🌵#knowyourworth

📍 @mystichotsprings 👈

“Butterflies are beautiful, but the process of e

“Butterflies are beautiful, but the process of emerging from the chrysalis and spreading your wings can hurt like fucking hell. But still, you will survive the transformation (over and over again) and you will fly. Remember this when it hurts the most. This is the metamorphosis, the going down to liquid, and the rising again. It’s no joke – but damn, it’s one hell of a journey.”
~ Jeanette LeBlanc

Feeling this quote as I’m working through another period of detox. The amount inflammation being released from my body is hard to believe. I will share more once I’m doing better again.

So much love. Never give up on yourself. xxx.

🌻🦋

BIG NEWS: I’M MOVING!! 🚗🛤😄 The last 8

BIG NEWS: I’M MOVING!! 🚗🛤😄

The last 8yrs I have gone from my home state of OK -> NY -> OK -> CA -> UT -> & now BACK again to Oklahoma!

This decision to move back came rather easily. I knew I was leaving UT at the end of my lease in October but I didn’t know where. After being home for my health I realized this is where I am meant to be at the present time. I have received so much unconditional love & support from friends & family who have wanted me back for years but have always supported me on my journey & adventures. I came to see how their love has never wavered but has only gotten stronger. Right now I really need all the support I can get & beyond grateful to receive it.

My chronic illnesses have been flaring severely ever since I had covid. It has taken a toll on me both physically & mentally. This past year has been a year of a lot of pain, which I tried managing on my own but I need the help of medical team, family & friends. It’s a necessity right now for me to be close to my doctors to get me back on my path to remission. While being home for this visit I have received a new treatment: Ozone Therapy with UV Irradiation of my blood along with Ozone Therapy to my bladder through a catheter. These treatments have kicked my ass through the detox stage but I am starting to feel better! I see my doctor on Thursday to decide what’s next.

During my time in Oklahoma, whether it be for year or years, alongside working on my health I’m also going to explore my home state which I honestly haven’t experienced that much of. I’m gathering a group of dear friends who are ready to take on the venture with me! I will also be taking on the big task of cleaning out & renovating my childhood home which has not been lived in for 7 years (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). With the money saved from not having to pay rent & having more opportunities to work, since people will know me for me & not judge me by my shitty resume due to my health battle, I’ll be able to save up to do what I love most: TRAVEL & ADVENTURE!

This all feels so right & I can’t wait to start this new chapter of my life… I suppose it’s already begun! HUGS xxx 😄🌻🌎❤️

Happy one month anniversary to @rrawimpact 🙌😄🪐🌿💕🥳🍻

I want to give a BIG THANK YOU to each & every one of you for following & being part of the rraw community! Your journeys, adventures & advocacy inspire me & the world every single day. Thank you for holding a safe space for each other where we can be ourselves without fear of judgement. Everyone deserves unconditional love & support, I hope you feel that here 🙏🏼💛

Always remember the following ✨

Own your worth, don’t let anyone bring you down - including yourself.

Stay true to your authentic self.

You deserve to be seen & heard. Continue being an advocate for yourself, for others, for our world.

Know that you are loved.
Know that you are supported.

F*ck the haters. They aren’t worth your time & energy.

Follow your heart. Don’t let fear hold you back. Go after what you’re passionate about.

Believe in yourself. Keep trying. Don’t give up.

Live with high standards. Never settle for less than what you deserve.

Trust your intuition. Listen to your inner voice.

Speak up. Stand in your power.

Nourish your soul. Do things that bring joy to your life.

Never compare yourself to anyone else, you are amazing as you are.

Love yourself first. For the more love you have in yourself the more love you can give to others.

Know you are making a difference. Remember sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of the heart.

Stay Real.
Stay Authentic.
Stay RRAW.

Truly thank you again for sharing journeys, adventures & advocacy. Thank you for holding a safe & supportive space for each other to be our authentic raw selves without the fear of judgement. Each of you are truly incredible!

Always so much love & support,
~ Tay 🌻🌎 Founder of Rraw Impact ⎒

For a chance to be featured tag @rrawimpact ⎒ #rrawimpact #rrawtribe ៚

It’s been amazing to feel more like me again 🙌🏼🌿 I may have honestly overdone it a bit in the being active side lol my body yelled at me today to rest which I’m doing 😅 I admit I may get overzealous. My medical team, family & friends often have to tell me to slow down & not to overdo it. When I’m feeling well I feel this freedom. Freedom from sickness & pain. Freedom from not being stuck inside in bed or on the bathroom floor. Freedom from those chronic illnesses that inflict so much suffering. I know my body gets excited too from receiving this freedom. Wanting to move, to show how strong I am. It’s elating. Even the normal soreness is incredible because it’s not this debilitating pain. Just being tired instead of fatigue is so welcoming. And I don’t want to miss out on a single second, every moment feeling well is so precious to me. Everyone should be able to feel this way. We have to receive more research on these chronic illnesses, more treatments, more awareness among medical professionals & from the world. Cures. We must fight for cures. It’s honestly hard to fight when your sick, that’s why when we can’t advocate for ourselves we need others to do so for us. I’m very thankful to have my medical team, family, & friends as advocates - I’m beyond thankful that they “get it” unlike so many who act like “it can’t be that bad” or “but you don’t look sick so how sick can you actually be” or even blaming the sick as if we caused this on ourselves or use it as a tool for some weird financial gain from taxes in the USA (like anyone wants to be sick so they don’t have to work 🙄). There needs to be education & empathy. From not just the Warriors but from our community. No one wants to be sick & in pain. I receive hundreds of messages a week, sometimes thousands from other warriors saying “I just want to be normal”, the most heartbreaking from parents of children saying how they don’t want this particular illness and to be normal. My fight started for myself but as I’ve connected with others with similar journeys my fight has gone beyond myself & for every single soul who is sick & hurting. I’ll never give up on you, please never give up on yourself 🌻🤍

The last three days have truly been wonderful ❤️ I’ve had more energy than I’ve had in months. I haven’t felt sick or in pain. I’m eating, sleeping, & have been able to begin working on a pretty huge project! (I’ll be sharing more on that when I announce the news 🙃) I feel more determined than ever in my fight for remission.

I’m believe the new treatments of Ozone Therapy with Ultraviolet Blood Irradiation have begun kicking in! I received my 7th treatment on on Thursday & will be receiving my final 8th treatment on Monday. I then will be seeing my lead doctor in two weeks to see how I’m feeling & how to proceed depending on how I’m doing 🤞🏼

These treatments admittedly have been on the rougher side for me. As my doctor spoke with me on my follow up on Thursday he confirmed that my body has been going through a major detox. The worst came following from the catheter treatment which my doctor explained was due to for that greatest inflammation in my body is held in my bladder due to my severe case of interstitial cystitis, chronic painful bladder syndrome.

I know so many in my community unfortunately have or know someone with chronic illnesses & may want to know more about this new treatment, which I’m very thankful my doctor, Noel Williams, has provided a video on Ozone Therapy with a general review of the physiologic effects of O3 (ozone) on cell physiology and metabolism, anti-oxidant revitalization, and potential uses in a patient setting. A OZONE '101' to start getting a sense of this remarkable molecule which can be found in my linktree (in bio) titled “Ozone Therapy”.

I’m always beyond thankful to have a doctor who works so hard for his patients. Who empathizes & advocates for us. I feel nothing but gratitude & love for him, his family, & his entire medical team ~ they are one of the greatest gifts in my life.

I feel my fighting spirit returning & I received the incredible gift of hope. I was starting to feel my fight for remission was in vain but I’ve been reminded to never give up nor settle. Not only for myself but for others who are also battling with these invisible illnesses. Always remember you are worthy of a life you love 🤍

finding & coming home to my higher authentic Self

finding & coming home to
my higher authentic Self ࿐

my heart & soul whispers
“but you never left,
you’ve always been her
you’ve always been home”

yes, you are right…
i’ve never stopped being that woman

i’ve always been here
i’ve always been home

though perhaps in the shadows,
hiding in the darkest parts of my being,
the parts that have been damaged
but have allowed other parts to shine ever so much brighter

i am not perfect
i must stop seeking perfection
it’s setting up for nothing but failure

i am going to fuck up,
i have fucked up
i am only human
being human
we inadvertently fuck up

i hate my mistakes,
wanting nothing more than to transport myself to the past

to make the changes
i desire

but i can’t

instead to the dialogue of my mind,
the muttering,
the shaming,
to my alter ego who expects far too much from me;

i raise my middle fingers
i am worthy of more than the
poison you fill me with

i listen instead to the dialogue of my soul & my heart,
they speak my truth,
they are my true, authentic Self

listen to the comforting words of
acceptance
forgive yourself

all experiences,
the good
the bad
are the molding,
the shaping of our beings
to grow
to cultivate awareness
to transform us into our higher Selves

it’s painful
the childhood growing pains of our bones move to the adult growing pains of our souls

though some children feel the adult pains before it’s their time,
for them we must raise our souls,
blazing with protection & strength keep the monsters at bay

to my sisters & brothers
to myself
let the wounds heal,
stop tearing them open
just because we feel we deserve to bleed

let them heal
add them to the scars
stop taking the knife of the mind
to that of the heart & soul

heal

come home
come home to your Self

i am coming
i am coming home

wait,
whispers the heart & soul

“you’ve always been home,
you never left,
home is within each of us

home is the journey”

i am my experiences
i am my journey
i am me
i am home

as are you

together forever
evolving

to be our most real,
raw,
authentic
higher Selves

see it,
experience it
now

for it is you
it is us

⎒ ࿑ ༯

Mood ๛ Haven't always been this way I wasn't b

Mood ๛

Haven't always been this way
I wasn't born a renegade
I felt alone, still feel afraid
I stumble through it anyway

I wish someone would have told me that this life is ours to choose
No one's handing you the keys or a book with all the rules
The little that I know I'll tell to you
When they dress you up in lies and you're left naked with the truth

You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far

So you might give yourself away, yeah
And pay full price for each mistake
But when the candy-coating hides the razor blade
You can cut yourself loose and use that rage

I wish someone would have told me that this darkness comes and goes
People will pretend but baby girl, nobody knows
And even I can't teach you how to fly
But I can show you how to live like your life is on the line

You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far

I will be with you 'til the world blows up, yes
Up, and down, and through 'til the world blows up
Yeah
When it's right, or it's all fucked up 'til the world blows up
'Til the world blows up
And we will be enough
And until the world blows up

Just throw your head back, and spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are

And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far

I will be with you 'til the world blows up

— lyrics “all I know so far” @pink

One breath at a time ࿐ It’s been a very roug

One breath at a time ࿐

It’s been a very rough week. I became terribly ill over the weekend by Monday afternoon I had stopped eating & taking in fluids. Tuesday night I was so sick that I considered going to the ER. I had a fever, tremors, was sweating, my teeth were chattering for I felt like I was freezing, my chronic pain was through the roof, I was dehydrated, & couldn’t stop dry heaving. I ended up finally falling to sleep by around 6am. Wednesday I spent the day trying to sip fluids while just ending up being able to only suck on some ice. Thankfully yesterday my medical team at @optimalhealthassociates was able to get me in for a liter of IV fluids & nausea medication. After receiving this treatment I was able to drink a lot of water & eat without getting sick. By the end of the day I had to take more nausea medication but I’m doing better today. After speaking to the nurses & thinking so myself, I believe this is a “detox” reaction to the new treatments I have been receiving. It feels similar to past detoxes; the sickness, pain, white tongue, my skin breaking out etc. Hopefully getting sicker means I’ll soon be getting better. I see my lead doctor on Thursday for a follow up & I’m looking forward to hearing his thoughts. I’m very thankful that I’m home in Oklahoma & receiving the support of my parents & family as I go through this. It’s hard for them to see me so sick & are terribly worried but we are all doing our best to stay optimistic. Also very thankful for all the love & support received from my friends & all of you. I feel less alone & am truly grateful. Thank you & love you 🤍

If you are struggling please know you are not alone. Know that your feelings are valid & it’s okay not to be okay. But you will make it through. Please do not give up. I know times can feel incredibly hopeless but each of us have so much to fight for. I’m always here supporting you & sending you love on your journeys. Keep going. One breath at a time 🙏🏼🤍

Photography by the beautiful soul @shae.kiara 🌿

I love being back in my home state of Oklahoma. It

I love being back in my home state of Oklahoma. It’s like I am able to breathe again. Able to reflect. To be with myself. I used to have a lot of triggers & traumas when coming home for visits… The painful memories following my older sister’s death. The time spent where I was disabled with my health & my momma was my caregiver. Majority of the visits home came with surgeries. This visit too has come with a surgery & new health treatments but after the sickness, pain, loneliness I have experienced in Utah, well it’s as if I’m finally able to see all the beautiful things my childhood home offers. My family, friendships going all the way back to preschool, and the beauty of the very underrated land. I love my feet back in the red dirt. Feeling at peace & gazing at the wide, lush open plains. Once I’m feeling better I’m looking forward to exploring more of the lakes, waterfalls, & more of the Wichita mountains which I love so much. It’s been healing to my heart & soul to be home 🌿🙏🏼💚

Repeat after me: I am worthy. I am strong. I a

Repeat after me:

I am worthy.
I am strong.
I am intelligent.
I am stunning.
I am learning.
I am growing.
I am loved.
I am unstoppable.
I am unbreakable.

Fuck the haters.
Fuck the users.
Fuck all those who are not worth of your time & energy.

Love yourself unconditionally.
Learn & grow from your mistakes.
Forgive yourself.
~ something I personally struggle with is forgiving myself. I hate when I fuck up or have done something wrong. I let it eat away at my soul. I’m trying to be better at it but it is a work in progress…

Stand tall.
Fight for yourself.
Never let anyone walk over you or treat you like shit.

Don’t chase after people.
Walk with those who who walk with you.

There will always be people who try to steal or dim your light… fuck them. Shine brighter my sisters & brothers.

Trust your instincts.
When you see the red flags don’t ignore them.
Some people are sadly just toxic.
Don’t let them poison you.

Within this last year I’ve brushed off sexist comments spoken to my face. I’ve been quiet in my personal beliefs in attempt to gain friends in a new place. I’ve allowed myself to be manipulated & used. I didn’t set or stick to my boundaries. I kept peddling backwards… due to my own personal insecurities & wanting to see the best in others. I reacted strongly to those who I felt hurt me deeply for I hit my breaking point & enough is enough.

I no longer feel as much anger to others or myself. I’m telling myself not to keep looking back & wondering what I could have done differently because I can’t change anything that has happened. I just must keep bringing myself back to the present.

I’m relearning to love myself again.
To own my worth.
To see all that is beautiful about me.
To remember how strong I am.
To gain back the confidence that I have lost.

I feel lighter with each day.
I feel my soul begin to shine & come out of the darkness.

I know every single soul on earth has times of suffering. Please know I’m sending love, strength & support.

Again repeat after me:

I am worthy.
I am strong.
I am intelligent.
I am stunning.
I am learning.
I am growing.
I am loved.
I am unstoppable.
I am unbreakable.
🤍🌻

Feeling my inner light shining again 🙌🏼🌸🌿 I truly feel beyond happy! My health I am continuing to work on as undergo these new treatments provided my incredible doctor & his amazing team (@optimalhealthassociates I love you all so so much!!). I’m also filled with so much joy since creating @rrawimpact. I love so much bring my tribe together & working on something greater than myself, I’m beyond inspired. It’s also been most wonderful being back in my home state & hometown surrounded by family & friends I’ve known all the way back to preschool. I am in a place filled with love & support. I feel this last year has been full of shifts… shifts that have broken my heart & have made me question much about the world & myself. Life is made up of so many experiences, good & bad, that shape us so profoundly. I’m truly learning how life is a balancing act. I have had a closed heart for sometime, only letting a few people in. This past year opened my heart completely without guarding it & setting no boundaries which led to much of my heartbreak. And then when I was closing my heart again I was shown so much love & support that it left me in tears & took my breath away. I personally don’t believe everything happens for a reason but all life experiences shape us. I have learned a lot this past year. After a year that was mainly filled with tears, I’m again able to smile. A true smile. A smile that comes deep from both my heart & soul. I’m making changes in my life. Big changes. I’m beyond excited. I know there will still be moments that will bring me to tears… but today I’m happy. Today I’m free.

Thank you again to my beautiful family, my amazing friends, my incredible medical team, & my entire tribe for continuing to help me soar. I’m beyond grateful for each & every one of you. Thank you for loving me as I am. In all moments; happiness, sadness, anger, pain & sickness. I could not ask for more. Please know I’m also always here for each of you. Sending my support. Sending my love. Thank you 🤍🙏🏼🌻

I’ve created my new collective page: @rrawimpact

I’ve created my new collective page: @rrawimpact Raw ៚ Real, Authentic Warriors ࿑ Celebrating raw self expression, life journeys & being 100% true to yourself ⎒

It’s time to share more than just myself. To share my tribe. To raise the voices of others. To make a true impact on our world as we come together. We can make a difference. Cultivating awareness. Celebrating our differences. Developing true connections. A place where we as a tribe hold space for each other. By sharing our journeys & being our true authentic, raw - real Selves we have the power to inspire others & change the world.

Thank you for inspiring me.
It’s because of you I started this mission.

Love to you my rraw sisters & brothers ࿐

To be featured tag @rrawimpact ⎒

“But you don’t look sick” Open your eyes & l

“But you don’t look sick” Open your eyes & look through the lens of empathy making what is invisible visible to the naked eye. You may not be able to see chronic pain or chronic illnesses but please know they are real. Please know the pain & sickness are real & are beyond imaginable to those who have never experienced it. We are not lazy. We are not imagining it.

I have had people talk about how they hate that their tax dollars are going to people who are just wanting to lay around & do nothing. Then they use me as an example; “You work. You’re not on disability. Why can’t more people be like you?” The fact is the only reason I’m not on disability is because I have the financial support of my family. If I did not have the financial support I would be on disability. There is no question about it. My family is not rich, we are middle class. The cruel irony is that the much of the money used to pay for my health has come from the settlement from my older sister’s death. I have only been able to work part time over these last 8 years with jobs that are flexible. There are days I can wake up & ready to take on the world. Then there are the days where it is a struggle to get out of bed & to get myself to the bathroom. Some instances I have ended up just rolling off my bed & crawl so I could urinate in the toilet vs wetting myself. Followed by just spending the rest of the day laying on the bathroom floor because I don’t have the energy to keep crawling back & forth. In my bathroom I have a nice rug to lay on, a extremely comfortable bath mat to rest my head, a blanket, & sensory items to bring me comfort.

I don’t share these moments in pictures or videos on my social media due to my PTSD surrounding my health. I don’t need to be triggered every time I open one of these social apps. Also when you’re that sick your not thinking how you could use this moment to bring forth awareness. In these moments you are just trying to make it through the day, to survive.

When looking at my pictures or seeing me in person (on a day I’m suffering) you would never know how badly I suffer with chronic pain & chronic illnesses. This is why it’s called invisible illnesses.

As my fever continues to rise, as my body screams

As my fever continues to rise, as my body screams in pain & I feel sicker by the second, I feel an overwhelming heaviness. This past year as been one that has filled my mind, body & soul with so much pain. I have never felt more disconnected & connected at the same time. It’s like I’m in limbo with the world & my Self. I feel in this weird state of Being where I want to be zen but at the same time do not want to be passive. As a woman I don’t want to come across as “emotional” or “a bitch” but just be it that I’m standing up for myself. Looking at myself with my chronic pain & illness, my inner dialogue asking “are my responses me or am I responding in fight or flight because I’m in excruciating pain & sickness?” I’ve always been one that goes with my emotions, responds & reacts within the moment. Typically in moments of conflict I react with reason & fight back in a very intellectual yet unyielding way. Now if I feel an injustice has occurred or a line has been crossed I will get confrontational, I will want to eat you alive & spit you out, & I will not let you or the circumstances surrounding go until I feel I have been seen & heard. I have a lot of fire in me, there’s no doubt about that. But then I also have witnessed how my anger can also be self destructive too. I also know that I am not perfect, that I have made mistakes, I have hurt others with my words & action. I do try my best to own my shit & if I can not correct the wrongs I’ve done or if I can’t then at least to be aware & do my best not to make the same mistakes (which there are some I have continued to repeat which has caused me more suffering). This is part of being human. I often keep asking myself “why was this past year so excruciating?” Perhaps it was due to the pandemic which made us all suffer globally as one ~ it did connect us in that way. Each of lived in a survival state of Being. We all embodied it. We are all filled to the brink with our pains & the pains of others. I think we are all trying to find our way to feeling peace & no longer be in this survival - live or die state of Being. I want us all to feel this, even those who I feel have hurt & me for they are just suffering too 🖤

During this time sickness, the suicidal thoughts s

During this time sickness, the suicidal thoughts scared me the most. I have suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, & PTSD, along with grief but I had never before had suicidal thoughts. After having such thoughts I send my love & support to others who have felt or who are feeling this deep internal pain. Please know you are loved, your life is worth living, and you will make it through. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 800-273-8255. Do not be afraid to seek help, no one is going to judge you. We as a society should also make this topic less taboo. If we make it where it can be openly talked about without shame or judgment we could prevent the death of so many lives who were in need of help but did not receive help due to the persona around feeling or being suicidal ~ it is not being weak or selfish, it’s a cry for help, to be seen & heard during overwhelmingly terrible moments in life where the pain is unbearable. I may have not reacted the way I had done with the thoughts I was having if my mom had not been open and had told me that she had a history with medications which caused her to be suicidal. Her experiences made me aware of something that could potentially happen to me.

After having such thoughts & having a terrible breakdown that’s when I decided to take a trip home to be with my parents to receive the emotional support I needed along with needed time with my Self.

I have spent a lot of time resting, sleeping, meditating, reading, & being out in nature. I can feel the blockages of energy within me (chakras/chi) are releasing & opening again.

I have felt a deep blockage in my chakras or chi. I have been unstable, ungrounded, a loss with my creativity, self worth, & self expression, my confidence has been nonexistent, I have guarded myself from love & compassion for they have caused me deep pain & grief, I’ve struggled with communicating what I’m feeling & what I’m going through, I have not trusted my intuition, & I have felt a deep lack of awareness.

My consciousness has been unfamiliar to me. But I’m happy to say I’m coming back home to my Self again & embracing it fully 🤍

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taylor_munholland

I love rainy summer days 🌿🥾🌧

I love rainy summer days 🌿🥾🌧

My happy place🌻🌿☀️ #sunflowerfieldsforev

My happy place🌻🌿☀️ #sunflowerfieldsforever

Thursday I had a checkup with my lead doctor, who

Thursday I had a checkup with my lead doctor, who I’m always incredibly thankful for. The ozone therapy has honestly been kicking my ass with the release of toxins & inflammation. It’s truly been an explosion of ick out of my body; I’ve had three periods this month along with what looks like yeast, painful bowel movements with rectal bleeding & mucus, nausea, headaches, sensitivity to light, fever, chills, all over body pain especially in my bones & nerves, fatigue, gum inflammation, pain, & bleeding when flossing & brushing my teeth along with waking up with a nice amount of white coating on my tongue that when cleaned off when my tongue scraper begins to bleed. I’ve underwent detoxes before, the ridding of candida in my blood was always rated the highest on the sick scale but this takes the cake. But I’m remaining hopeful. I wasn’t expecting an overnight success. I also understand how my autoimmune body reacts & when I don’t understand something my doctor is very good at explaining information to me. The severity of my autoimmune diseases still rather shocks me… When my doctor was speaking to me about my case there’s always a bit of validation of “ok this is why I’m struggling & I need to stop being so hard on myself” along with the “challenge accepted” mindset of I’m going to kick these diseases in the ass - either where I can manage them instead of them managing me or even better reaching remission, which is my ultimate goal. I have another checkup in 10 days. I’m in a resting period / waiting period; no more treatments at this time. My weight is thankfully back up in triple digits which I’m working my best to keep there.

I’m very thankful for the good days, they always come as true blessing. Nothing feels more exhilarating then feeling well & whole after feeling so sick & broken. On the good days my attention is focused with planning my move & working on my fixer upper house - which even though it’s a hell of a lot of work I’m up for the challenge & have a great vision in mind on what it’s going to be by the end. I also a have a list forming of everything I’m going to do & try once I’m feeling better; skydiving training is the first on my list 🤟🛩🪂

༯ making invisible illnesses visible @awarecause

༯ making invisible illnesses visible @awarecauses ༯

You would never know by looking at me that I’ve undergone 14 surgeries for endometriosis, ovarian cyst complications from ruptures & twisting my ovarian tubes limiting blood flow, appendicitis, stuck kidney stones in my urethra unable to pass, gallbladder removal, treating my interstitial cystitis (IC) aka chronic painful bladder syndrome in which I must receive surgery every 6 months for the unforeseeable future.

You would never know by looking at me that I’ve undergone multiple treatments & therapies. Exosome stem cell therapy — injected up through my vagina & into both my uterus & bladder. Laser treatments for my vaginal tissue & to help with my IC symptoms of urgency & pain. Ozone Therapy with UV Irradiation of my blood. Pelvic floor physical therapy for my chronic pelvic pain, IC due to the severe contractions equivalent to labor pains & a prolapse. Bladder installations. Placed in a chemically induced state of menopause for fives years to not have periods to treat & prevent the endometriosis & chronic pelvic pain flared by my horrid periods - which left me with no sex drive where during this time I questioned my sexuality, felt a deep loss of Self, & disconnected from everyone my age. Acupuncture / Chinese medicine. Ayurveda. Massage therapy. Diet changes & restrictions. Placed on cancer medication in attempt to treat the severity of pain & nausea. Narcotics. Great multitude of various medications & herbs.

You never would know by looking at me that I’ve been unable to support myself. That I need help financially from my parents & grandfather. Have had the fortune to have doctors who work with my budget & have provided me with help even when I’ve been unable to afford it. I would be on disability if it were not for receiving this help.

You would never know by looking at me I suffer from PTSD. Breaking me down into fits of screaming, crying, & begging for it to all stop.

You would never know by looking at me how much I’m fighting.

You would know by looking at me… ༯

Never judge a book by its cover, we are all going through something. xxx.

Thank you @awarecauses for bringing awareness 🤍

Note to Self: I am no longer available for things

Note to Self: I am no longer available for things or people that make me feel like shit. xxx.🌞🙌🪐🌵#knowyourworth

📍 @mystichotsprings 👈

“Butterflies are beautiful, but the process of e

“Butterflies are beautiful, but the process of emerging from the chrysalis and spreading your wings can hurt like fucking hell. But still, you will survive the transformation (over and over again) and you will fly. Remember this when it hurts the most. This is the metamorphosis, the going down to liquid, and the rising again. It’s no joke – but damn, it’s one hell of a journey.”
~ Jeanette LeBlanc

Feeling this quote as I’m working through another period of detox. The amount inflammation being released from my body is hard to believe. I will share more once I’m doing better again.

So much love. Never give up on yourself. xxx.

🌻🦋

BIG NEWS: I’M MOVING!! 🚗🛤😄 The last 8

BIG NEWS: I’M MOVING!! 🚗🛤😄

The last 8yrs I have gone from my home state of OK -> NY -> OK -> CA -> UT -> & now BACK again to Oklahoma!

This decision to move back came rather easily. I knew I was leaving UT at the end of my lease in October but I didn’t know where. After being home for my health I realized this is where I am meant to be at the present time. I have received so much unconditional love & support from friends & family who have wanted me back for years but have always supported me on my journey & adventures. I came to see how their love has never wavered but has only gotten stronger. Right now I really need all the support I can get & beyond grateful to receive it.

My chronic illnesses have been flaring severely ever since I had covid. It has taken a toll on me both physically & mentally. This past year has been a year of a lot of pain, which I tried managing on my own but I need the help of medical team, family & friends. It’s a necessity right now for me to be close to my doctors to get me back on my path to remission. While being home for this visit I have received a new treatment: Ozone Therapy with UV Irradiation of my blood along with Ozone Therapy to my bladder through a catheter. These treatments have kicked my ass through the detox stage but I am starting to feel better! I see my doctor on Thursday to decide what’s next.

During my time in Oklahoma, whether it be for year or years, alongside working on my health I’m also going to explore my home state which I honestly haven’t experienced that much of. I’m gathering a group of dear friends who are ready to take on the venture with me! I will also be taking on the big task of cleaning out & renovating my childhood home which has not been lived in for 7 years (I’ll talk more about that in a later post). With the money saved from not having to pay rent & having more opportunities to work, since people will know me for me & not judge me by my shitty resume due to my health battle, I’ll be able to save up to do what I love most: TRAVEL & ADVENTURE!

This all feels so right & I can’t wait to start this new chapter of my life… I suppose it’s already begun! HUGS xxx 😄🌻🌎❤️

Happy one month anniversary to @rrawimpact 🙌😄🪐🌿💕🥳🍻

I want to give a BIG THANK YOU to each & every one of you for following & being part of the rraw community! Your journeys, adventures & advocacy inspire me & the world every single day. Thank you for holding a safe space for each other where we can be ourselves without fear of judgement. Everyone deserves unconditional love & support, I hope you feel that here 🙏🏼💛

Always remember the following ✨

Own your worth, don’t let anyone bring you down - including yourself.

Stay true to your authentic self.

You deserve to be seen & heard. Continue being an advocate for yourself, for others, for our world.

Know that you are loved.
Know that you are supported.

F*ck the haters. They aren’t worth your time & energy.

Follow your heart. Don’t let fear hold you back. Go after what you’re passionate about.

Believe in yourself. Keep trying. Don’t give up.

Live with high standards. Never settle for less than what you deserve.

Trust your intuition. Listen to your inner voice.

Speak up. Stand in your power.

Nourish your soul. Do things that bring joy to your life.

Never compare yourself to anyone else, you are amazing as you are.

Love yourself first. For the more love you have in yourself the more love you can give to others.

Know you are making a difference. Remember sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of the heart.

Stay Real.
Stay Authentic.
Stay RRAW.

Truly thank you again for sharing journeys, adventures & advocacy. Thank you for holding a safe & supportive space for each other to be our authentic raw selves without the fear of judgement. Each of you are truly incredible!

Always so much love & support,
~ Tay 🌻🌎 Founder of Rraw Impact ⎒

For a chance to be featured tag @rrawimpact ⎒ #rrawimpact #rrawtribe ៚

It’s been amazing to feel more like me again 🙌🏼🌿 I may have honestly overdone it a bit in the being active side lol my body yelled at me today to rest which I’m doing 😅 I admit I may get overzealous. My medical team, family & friends often have to tell me to slow down & not to overdo it. When I’m feeling well I feel this freedom. Freedom from sickness & pain. Freedom from not being stuck inside in bed or on the bathroom floor. Freedom from those chronic illnesses that inflict so much suffering. I know my body gets excited too from receiving this freedom. Wanting to move, to show how strong I am. It’s elating. Even the normal soreness is incredible because it’s not this debilitating pain. Just being tired instead of fatigue is so welcoming. And I don’t want to miss out on a single second, every moment feeling well is so precious to me. Everyone should be able to feel this way. We have to receive more research on these chronic illnesses, more treatments, more awareness among medical professionals & from the world. Cures. We must fight for cures. It’s honestly hard to fight when your sick, that’s why when we can’t advocate for ourselves we need others to do so for us. I’m very thankful to have my medical team, family, & friends as advocates - I’m beyond thankful that they “get it” unlike so many who act like “it can’t be that bad” or “but you don’t look sick so how sick can you actually be” or even blaming the sick as if we caused this on ourselves or use it as a tool for some weird financial gain from taxes in the USA (like anyone wants to be sick so they don’t have to work 🙄). There needs to be education & empathy. From not just the Warriors but from our community. No one wants to be sick & in pain. I receive hundreds of messages a week, sometimes thousands from other warriors saying “I just want to be normal”, the most heartbreaking from parents of children saying how they don’t want this particular illness and to be normal. My fight started for myself but as I’ve connected with others with similar journeys my fight has gone beyond myself & for every single soul who is sick & hurting. I’ll never give up on you, please never give up on yourself 🌻🤍

The last three days have truly been wonderful ❤️ I’ve had more energy than I’ve had in months. I haven’t felt sick or in pain. I’m eating, sleeping, & have been able to begin working on a pretty huge project! (I’ll be sharing more on that when I announce the news 🙃) I feel more determined than ever in my fight for remission.

I’m believe the new treatments of Ozone Therapy with Ultraviolet Blood Irradiation have begun kicking in! I received my 7th treatment on on Thursday & will be receiving my final 8th treatment on Monday. I then will be seeing my lead doctor in two weeks to see how I’m feeling & how to proceed depending on how I’m doing 🤞🏼

These treatments admittedly have been on the rougher side for me. As my doctor spoke with me on my follow up on Thursday he confirmed that my body has been going through a major detox. The worst came following from the catheter treatment which my doctor explained was due to for that greatest inflammation in my body is held in my bladder due to my severe case of interstitial cystitis, chronic painful bladder syndrome.

I know so many in my community unfortunately have or know someone with chronic illnesses & may want to know more about this new treatment, which I’m very thankful my doctor, Noel Williams, has provided a video on Ozone Therapy with a general review of the physiologic effects of O3 (ozone) on cell physiology and metabolism, anti-oxidant revitalization, and potential uses in a patient setting. A OZONE '101' to start getting a sense of this remarkable molecule which can be found in my linktree (in bio) titled “Ozone Therapy”.

I’m always beyond thankful to have a doctor who works so hard for his patients. Who empathizes & advocates for us. I feel nothing but gratitude & love for him, his family, & his entire medical team ~ they are one of the greatest gifts in my life.

I feel my fighting spirit returning & I received the incredible gift of hope. I was starting to feel my fight for remission was in vain but I’ve been reminded to never give up nor settle. Not only for myself but for others who are also battling with these invisible illnesses. Always remember you are worthy of a life you love 🤍

finding & coming home to my higher authentic Self

finding & coming home to
my higher authentic Self ࿐

my heart & soul whispers
“but you never left,
you’ve always been her
you’ve always been home”

yes, you are right…
i’ve never stopped being that woman

i’ve always been here
i’ve always been home

though perhaps in the shadows,
hiding in the darkest parts of my being,
the parts that have been damaged
but have allowed other parts to shine ever so much brighter

i am not perfect
i must stop seeking perfection
it’s setting up for nothing but failure

i am going to fuck up,
i have fucked up
i am only human
being human
we inadvertently fuck up

i hate my mistakes,
wanting nothing more than to transport myself to the past

to make the changes
i desire

but i can’t

instead to the dialogue of my mind,
the muttering,
the shaming,
to my alter ego who expects far too much from me;

i raise my middle fingers
i am worthy of more than the
poison you fill me with

i listen instead to the dialogue of my soul & my heart,
they speak my truth,
they are my true, authentic Self

listen to the comforting words of
acceptance
forgive yourself

all experiences,
the good
the bad
are the molding,
the shaping of our beings
to grow
to cultivate awareness
to transform us into our higher Selves

it’s painful
the childhood growing pains of our bones move to the adult growing pains of our souls

though some children feel the adult pains before it’s their time,
for them we must raise our souls,
blazing with protection & strength keep the monsters at bay

to my sisters & brothers
to myself
let the wounds heal,
stop tearing them open
just because we feel we deserve to bleed

let them heal
add them to the scars
stop taking the knife of the mind
to that of the heart & soul

heal

come home
come home to your Self

i am coming
i am coming home

wait,
whispers the heart & soul

“you’ve always been home,
you never left,
home is within each of us

home is the journey”

i am my experiences
i am my journey
i am me
i am home

as are you

together forever
evolving

to be our most real,
raw,
authentic
higher Selves

see it,
experience it
now

for it is you
it is us

⎒ ࿑ ༯

Mood ๛ Haven't always been this way I wasn't b

Mood ๛

Haven't always been this way
I wasn't born a renegade
I felt alone, still feel afraid
I stumble through it anyway

I wish someone would have told me that this life is ours to choose
No one's handing you the keys or a book with all the rules
The little that I know I'll tell to you
When they dress you up in lies and you're left naked with the truth

You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far

So you might give yourself away, yeah
And pay full price for each mistake
But when the candy-coating hides the razor blade
You can cut yourself loose and use that rage

I wish someone would have told me that this darkness comes and goes
People will pretend but baby girl, nobody knows
And even I can't teach you how to fly
But I can show you how to live like your life is on the line

You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far

I will be with you 'til the world blows up, yes
Up, and down, and through 'til the world blows up
Yeah
When it's right, or it's all fucked up 'til the world blows up
'Til the world blows up
And we will be enough
And until the world blows up

Just throw your head back, and spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are

And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far

I will be with you 'til the world blows up

— lyrics “all I know so far” @pink

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